Confession

Ok, I admit it.  I've been feeling my tension levels rise today.  I had the house to myself this week and it was wonderful.  DH was gone since early Monday morning.  The house stayed clean, there is still food in the fridge, my bed is made with pretty pillows... and those things were nice.  But what was even better was the day to day sense of peace and tranquility around here, a feeling that I could "let my hair down."  That I wasn't going to get unintentionally emotionally flatted, no defenses needed, just going about the business of living.  We've talked on the phone some, this afternoon I said something and could sense his anger almost instantly.  So he hung up and hasn't called back sense then.  I know I'm in for it when he gets home, there's nothing I can do about that at this point.  I'm been consciously trying to tell my body not to tense up, but it's hard when you can anticipate something unpleasant.  He's going to be here for a very short time and then out again.  I will be glad to have the lawn mowed and someone to eat some of the food I've cooked, and a warm body in my bed.  It's such a mixed bag.  I really don't like this much.