Limbo Again?

One of the themes of the adoption drama was the fact that I got so tired of living in limbo.  For all of the 2.5 years we were in that mess, I hated the limbo.

Well kids... I asked him to leave.  And he has refused. 

How about another round of LIMBO?

I have five professional art studios in this house, so if I leave... I lose the ability to earn a living from my work until I can find studio space and living space and get both set up.  This pretty much takes me down for the count financially through the end of the year.  (Product has to be made now for the holidays.)

Secondly, our agreement in our marriage was that we'd live in his income so I have no recent work history, the three jobs I work now are all contract work.  (so I get a 1099)  I don't have a credit card.  He sometimes decided not to pay my education loan for a while, without telling me... so I have some marks against me on my credit report.  So... I'm not going to be able to buy a house, I may not even be able to get anyone to rent an apartment to me. 

It sure looks like he's intent on taking me down financially.

I gave some thought to living out of my van but he sold it.

If you've been praying that I'll be reconciled with this man, stop it!  I wouldn't mind seeing the relationship restored at some point, but not the marriage.

My friends tell me he's going to wait me out, knowing that I'll sacrifice the stuff before I sacrifice myself.  I've given some thought to asking my parents if I can stay with them for a while, there has been only absolute silence where their offer of hospitality could have been.  Nobody wants to get in the middle of this, I understand.  But I am SO TRAPPED.  I wanted to do this like an adult, be all strong and keep it clean.  Now I don't know what to do and I am feeling REALLY frustrated.

I kinda feel like an early chapter out of Eat, Pray, Love without the $200,000 advance on the book I have yet to write that will make me a household name... after I spend a year traveling.

I'm still working out, I'm still eating right.  I'm still trying to stay positive.  I'm working three jobs and trying really hard to keep my shit together.  Honest to God, I have been so worn down from the years through the adoption process and stuff within the marriage that I feel like I don't have much in the way of reserves to draw on. 

I just know that this sucks.        

Comments

[Oink]

I really wish the very best for you. x

[DKN]

UGH.  I don't know what to say.  I've been following the situation but not commenting much because...well....this BLOWS, what can I say?  I just want to offer my support and tell you to stand your ground.

And....

((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

[shush now]

Tell him to leave, if he refuses, call the police.

It's your house, too, damn it.  Don't let him make you powerless.