I burned the bacon this afternoon. I’ve been hungry for BLT for days now, finally got around to making bacon in the oven this afternoon. I had it in the oven for a half hour, it wasn’t quite done so I left it a bit longer. Before long I’m smelling it, so I went to check it out. There was smoke curing around the edges of the foil and I pulled off the top to gaze down at BURNT bacon. VERY burnt, ultra crispy, completely SMOKED long skinny briquette bacon.
The kitchen filled with smoke and I turned on the fan over the range but it’s just a recirculator fan, it doesn’t actually take the air outside. Then the smoke made it around the corner to the fire alarm and that thing let out an ear piercing shriek. I ran and opened the front door to let some of the air out (and the flies in) the smoke alarm started another round of shrieking. I don’t know when I’ve ever wanted a baseball bat so badly!!!
My neighbors are prolly all poised over #911 wondering if the idiot downstairs is the kind of woman who would burn water if she tried to cook. I am NOT an idiot in the kitchen, damn it!
I sat down and had a little pissy party of my very own. At my house I had a brand new state of the art range that cost me some ugly pennies and some pretty ones, vast quantities of them. And then I remembered the washer and dryer that are at the other house while my laundry piles up here at my apartment. I need a washer and dryer in the apartment and I just want a set for a year so I’m not going to go buy new ones. And I can’t afford to spend much on such things because I really don’t know exactly what my expenses are going to be right now.
I’m just so angry that I’ve found myself in this place at this time of my life! I want to fly screaming at him “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME!” pounding on him for all I’m worth. What a dramatic little fantasy! (And yeah, I know this isn’t all his fault - but come now - this is my self aggrandizing little tale, let me tell it my way!) I had a sad little frustrated angry cry… then it passed.
That’s the good news. The pain passes, grief comes and goes.
God, this stuff is hard. I know I’m in the right place, this is my chance to grow up and grow into my own skin more fully. And it hurts some along the way. But it’s all temporary. I’d rather have this lonely frustration than live in that battlefield. I’m just vexed that it came to this.
Wretched… but I’m on the path to a better space.
And I’m on the path to the kitchen (dang it!) where I will get (dang it!) another package of bacon (dang it!) out of the freezer (dang it!) and thaw it (dang it!) and try this again (dang it!!)
BECAUSE I WILL HAVE A BLT!!!!
The kitchen filled with smoke and I turned on the fan over the range but it’s just a recirculator fan, it doesn’t actually take the air outside. Then the smoke made it around the corner to the fire alarm and that thing let out an ear piercing shriek. I ran and opened the front door to let some of the air out (and the flies in) the smoke alarm started another round of shrieking. I don’t know when I’ve ever wanted a baseball bat so badly!!!
My neighbors are prolly all poised over #911 wondering if the idiot downstairs is the kind of woman who would burn water if she tried to cook. I am NOT an idiot in the kitchen, damn it!
I sat down and had a little pissy party of my very own. At my house I had a brand new state of the art range that cost me some ugly pennies and some pretty ones, vast quantities of them. And then I remembered the washer and dryer that are at the other house while my laundry piles up here at my apartment. I need a washer and dryer in the apartment and I just want a set for a year so I’m not going to go buy new ones. And I can’t afford to spend much on such things because I really don’t know exactly what my expenses are going to be right now.
I’m just so angry that I’ve found myself in this place at this time of my life! I want to fly screaming at him “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME!” pounding on him for all I’m worth. What a dramatic little fantasy! (And yeah, I know this isn’t all his fault - but come now - this is my self aggrandizing little tale, let me tell it my way!) I had a sad little frustrated angry cry… then it passed.
That’s the good news. The pain passes, grief comes and goes.
God, this stuff is hard. I know I’m in the right place, this is my chance to grow up and grow into my own skin more fully. And it hurts some along the way. But it’s all temporary. I’d rather have this lonely frustration than live in that battlefield. I’m just vexed that it came to this.
Wretched… but I’m on the path to a better space.
And I’m on the path to the kitchen (dang it!) where I will get (dang it!) another package of bacon (dang it!) out of the freezer (dang it!) and thaw it (dang it!) and try this again (dang it!!)
BECAUSE I WILL HAVE A BLT!!!!
I hope that BLT was amazing. I think you've earned something amazing today.
Posted by: Melissagillis.wordpress.com | 09/13/2010 at 02:49 PM
Burned bacon makes me sad... but your process of self-discovery (even the hard parts) makes me happy.
Posted by: Stevebetz.wordpress.com | 09/13/2010 at 03:40 PM
I wish I could fast forward you through this time and get you to the good part at the end. Trust me, it's there. I know, I found it.
Posted by: javajanie | 09/15/2010 at 06:47 PM